Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Ramblings about life

When did being an adult become so complicated??  Yes I know we have to deal with all the "adult" things of this life but when did just everyday life become so complicated.  I think its the drama of the playground!  Growing up is supposed to be the hard part.  The part where you find yourself and learn to be secure in who you are.  Is the day of age of Twitter, Facebook and all other social media caused us as mother's to become insecure about what we are doing as parents.

 Seeing what everyone else is doing activites and such can cause a lot of insecurities.....at least for me and that is hard for me to admit.  I think I am good at pretending to be all confident and put together but really it is hard sometimes to keep your head up sometimes.  I wonder why am I not that mom that everyone else thinks of first when they want to make a trip to the park or anyother activity, seeing everyone else be that mom is hard.  It makes you wonder if you did something wrong to not be the one everyone thinks of.  It makes me wonder if people just put on a front with me.  Who are your true friends.  I just want that group of friends that I can always count on to think of me.  I get people telling me that I am thoughtful and always try to include everyone but why do I feel that same thoughfulness is lost on me sometimes.

I think social media has made many women/moms become insecure in their own bodies.  Yes, Hollywood has made women have a unrealistic expectation of who they are supposed to be.  Have a baby, be super skinny in just weeks, have another baby, be super skinny again and the cycle repeats.  Be dressed and all done up no matter what you are doing.  Feed your kids the perfect meal at every meal.  Have perfectly behaved kids at all times.  Where are all the real women, the ones who are lucky to have gotten a shower each day, house is cluttered and dishes in the sink.  We get all these images slammed in our face multiple times a day and the subtle idea that you are not a "real" woman or mom if you are not perfect.  Be healthy and take care of yourself.  Healthy means many different things to different people.  Find your healthy place whatever it may be and don't apologize or feel bad if it isn't the same place as someone else.

Then there is religion.  I will flat out say I am a Christian, I can remember the day exactly when I as a teenager chose to live my life for Christ.  I can also say I am not perfect and I have made my mistakes but that is ok.  I don't expect anyone to live just like I do but I don't judge them for they way they choose to live.  There are so many people out there saying you have to live a certain way or you are not living a life for Christ and that is just not right!  Live your life the best way you can and honor God while doing it.....that is all.

I am who I am, I refuse to make any excuses for who I am.  My kids may not be perfect but they are loved and they love life.  I have a husband who works harder than any man I know to provide for his family.  A man who reads his Bible almost every night before bed, prays with his children and I wouldn't trade him for anything.  I refuse to pretend to be someone or something I am not.  I will not apologize for what I feed my kids, what activities I choose or don't choose to have them involved in.  Life is too short.

In the end life is too short and fragile.  Be who you are and be happy.

Saturday, February 11, 2012

Failure....sort of..

Failing at anything just downright sucks!  What sucks even more is when you fail at something you put a ton of work into.  Time taken away from the kids, husband and even friends to work on it.  Then it occurs that maybe that failure was meant to be a wake up call, which in my case may have been exactly what it was.
Not many people around me knew what I had been up to the last couple of months so here is the story.  Just over a year ago I purchased a Groupon for Jazzercise and start going, I loved it and continued.  August rolls around and I had the chance to attend what they call Movement Screening, it is the first initial screening for prospective instructors.  I didn't pass and I thought that was then end.  Well we had a new owner come to our center, she has an incredible passion for Jazzercise...it is infectious!  She convinced me to go, along with 3 other people, to another movement screening.  This time I passed and here came the dilemia.  It isn't cheap to become an instructor, you have to buy into the franchise.  Well I was finally convinced to give it a go, signed the initial agreement in November and paid my money in December.  Right after Christmas I got all my materials.  I started having doubts the momement I paid that money....like panic attack type doubts but I just figured it was nerves.  They never went away though....the problem is if I chose not to go to the final audition for workshop I wouldn't get all my money back...not an option.  So I continued to work and hide my doubts.  Well finally the day came for the final audition, I was a nervous mess.  I won't bore everyone with the details but honestly a nightmare/dream I had about the audition started coming true that night.  When I got on stage it was like a switch got flipped and I ultimately failed, not horribly but still failed.  Of course my friends from the center that were there too all passed and I was insanely proud of them.  Strangely.....I wasn't that upset....actually relieved to be honest.
Over the last couple of days I have spent a lot of time thinking.....I have another chance to audition but the next chance is in April in St Louis, not really a feasible option for us right now and then another one in June here in KC.  Neither option is really a good option for us for many reasons.  On top of all of this....it comes down to I don't honestly see myself up there on that stage leading a class.  I see myself where I was at before all this craziness started!  In the front row loving my workout and loving the ladies and gentleman, I workout with.  I realized I lost part of myself in the process....of course the great women I was working with just knew my Jazzercise side so they didn't see that I wasn't really myself or I just hid it really well.
Overall I am really relieved that the stress of the whole process is over but I am a bit sad too.  But really I am proud of myself for doing something outside my comfort zone, it is good for everyone to do once in awhile.

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

What success fits like!

Success....so far fits like a pair of jeans I haven't been able to wear, actually I don't think I have been able to get them over my thighs since '03!  These were my first pair of Lucky Brand Jeans my mom bought me for my birthday in 2002.  I started at the sheriff's department later that year and quickly the eating and beer after an evening shift caught up with me!  So these beloved jeans got shoved to the back of the closet.  I have never had the heart to get rid of them.....I LOVE Lucky jeans.  Every so often I would try them on but they never would go over my thighs.....maybe, just once I did get them on but they wouldn't even come close to buttoning.   So yesterday, after a good friend who is on a weight loss journey too asked if I had any clothes to pass on to her so my curiosity got the best of me.  I got in the closet and got out the 3 pair of jeans I have held on to......and much to my surprise all three pair fit!  SUCCESS!!!  Success is a pair of great jeans!

Saturday, July 16, 2011

Vacation!!

So we have been super busy the last month!  The last weekend in June we were at The Lake of the Ozarks for my brother's wedding.  Then just 3 short weeks later we packed back up and traveled to Dallas.  The trip to Dallas has been a dual trip.....Clay interviewed for a new job, the interview went very well, more info on that at a later date.  Second we used it as a mini vacation for the family.  We stayed at the Great Wolf Lodge in Grapevine, TX the last 2 nights.  Today we will be travel about 30-45 minutes northwest to McKinney to visit a good friend of mine and her family.  The Great Wolf Lodge, albeit expensive, has been so much fun!  The kids have had a great time and Tristan has turned into quite the little dare devil!  I will write a whole post about it when we get home!  It has been so nice to be away with the family!

Saturday, June 11, 2011

Awesome Compliment!

So gotta give props to my hubby!  Yesterday he noticed the results of my hard work!  I have dropped a ton of pounds but I look better and I am getting good definition in my arms!  Something I have never really have had!  He noticed and said.....Score!  I have a hot wife!

Friday, May 27, 2011

Ups and Downs.....

So when we last talked.....over a year ago I was not at a good place health wise/weight wise.  Maybe God was giving me a sign that I needed to get my health back on track when I got pregnant.  When I found out I was pregnant I was at my heaviest non-pregnant weight ever....170lbs.  So there I was feeling very down on myself.  I promised myself I wasn't going to get out of control during this pregnancy.  After I lost about 10lbs in the first trimester I gained a total of 19lbs.  At the dr appt the day I went into labor I was at 179lbs.  I knew I would lose a majority of the weight after birth but I needed to lose more.  So after Christmas....sitting at 163lbs I started to do something about it.  I began Jazzercise at the end of January.  I got good at going at least 2-3 times a week but wasn't see much in the way of results. Finally at the beginning of May, sitting at 158lbs, things started changing.  Clay started AdvoCare, if you are interested in learning more let me know!  We both began eating more healthy, along with some other changes.  I am still at Jazzercise but as of today I am down another 4lbs!!  I am finally at pre(all 3 pregnancies) weight!  So here's to more "downs!"

Thursday, May 26, 2011

Blog Redo

Ok, so I totally let this blog go a long time ago but shortly after that last post my life got turned upside down so here is the story of my life since then!

Well......baby #3!!  Shortly after Christmas 2009 we got the surprise of our lives...I was pregnant!  Though completely unplanned he is such a joy in our life and I couldn't imagine my life without him. 

It was a huge adjustment for me.  I was so settled into being a mom of 2, I had lots of plans that didn't involve a third baby!  Plus my "current" baby wasn't walking yet and was still nursing twice a day!  Then there was the realization that....I had no idea how far along I was.  I had gotten bad about keeping track of stuff and just knew that it had been quite awhile! Then there was the funny part....I had just a week earlier called my doctor for a change in birth control because I had planned to stop nursing my daughter by the end of January, so when I called to get an appointment they all got a good laugh!  But as I soon realized this was the perfect plan set in place by God.  A few weeks later a good friend and I, our daughters are the same age, were having a playdate and I had decided to share my news with her.  After I blurted out my news she looked at me in disbelief and just sputtered out "So am I!"  We then laughed and figured out we were due within a week of eachother.  The next few months were pretty typical.  The summer was spent hanging out at the pool, working a temporary position at a local home improvment retailer and biggest of all.....finishing the basement.  Oh and in the middle of this....just right at a year ago.....hubby had emergency surgery to remove his gall bladder!  Then on September 3rd our 3rd blessing, a second boy was born.  We have a had great last year or so.  We are so blessed!  We have had our ups and downs but we are blessed.