Saturday, January 10, 2009

Last two days..hard decisions.

So I am still fighting this cold, it is really knocking me out. It is so frustrating because I just want to lay in bed but that is not an option. Adding to not feeling well I had to work. So back in September my wonderful brother let me know about a great part-time job opening at Dillons, he is an assistant store manager. It was as a loss prevention officer, decent pay, set my own schedule. I filled out an application back in the middle of September. Almost two months pass and the person filling the position calls and wants to know if I am still interested, I hesitantly say yes. Finally after many different delays I start working last Friday. It was just for 5 hours but "G" wasn't a happy camper and didn't really eat the entire time I was gone. Fast forward to this Friday, I worked for 8 hours..."G" doesn't eat the entire time I am gone and cries for 4 hours!

Today I work again only for 6 hours, she isn't as bad but still doesn't eat well and just generally unhappy. I am so conflicted, I really wanted to help out my family but not at the expense of my children and husband's happiness. I feel bad that 4 months has been put into this process but the delays weren't my fault. I hate being in a position like this. I know what my heart says but sometimes I am unwilling to fully commit. What to do, What to do! I never thought I would be the stay at home mom, but I really feel like home is where I should be, it has become a part of who I am. I don't feel good about what I am doing when I am working.

As for my diet and exercise the last two days...haha!! I have walked a lot, ran a little and had my heart rate up but not because of a workout. I really don't feel good about that, I was really happy about my progress this week. Oh well...on to next week!

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